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Sunday, 12 July 2009

  • hello young lovers.

    i am a firm believer in the truth of love.

    one of the truth's of love is that you cannot love another without loving yourself first.

    it is a sad misconception that being with another person somehow makes you a better person.  this is wrong.  it only makes you feel better because someone else is there.

    if you are young and in love, do yourself a favor and get to know who you are without your beloved.  for if, god forbid, they are gone one day, you will not flounder and rot.  you will have a foundation to build on. 

    yourself.

    if you do not know who you are, you will have to start from the very beginning.  and that is not a very fine place to start when you are depressed.

    just a word of advice.  i myself am going to start following this advice as well.

    until i love myself i cannot truly love him.  so here goes.

    until next time.

     

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • harder better faster stronger

    yellow!

    he didn't slip away.  he came forward and now we're closer i think.  still doesn't let me see all of him yet, but he's showing me more and more.  and i like what i see.

    jogged a mile and a half today.  first time i've ever jogged that far consecutively... milestone :)

    stupid, materialistic, pretentious, narcissistic, ignorant bitches at work.  fine, we'll get the limo.

    not breaking my flow.

    until next time.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

  • pathetic.

    i know what i did wrong today. 

    but honestly, i had a right to be mad.  you ditched me because you got drunk. and you didn't let me know. so i was waiting around all day long for you.   i shaved, did this nice sugar scrub, wore my new sexy underwear that i bought... ha... just for you, cleaned my sheets, cleaned the bathroom,washed a towel cause i knew you'd need one, cleaned my room and whitened my teeth for you. 

    you said i didn't have a backbone.  i was trying to have one by being mad when you called.  and then you hang up, or loose service, or god knows what happened.  i just hate that it happened AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK.

    that tells me a lot right there i suppose.

    so i called. and again. and again and left a message.  then waited an hour and a half and texted "did you hang up on me?".  called again. and again. and once more on my way home.  then i collapsed on my bed crying.  then i called again, and left a tearful message. 

    then i sent you 2 messages.

    "i'm sorry i'm freaking out here, but i was talking to my sister, and i told her about yesterday and she goes "oh ya, he doesn't want to date you anymore." "and i hadn't even thought about it that way and it hit me hard.  so ya i'm sorry about freaking out, i'll leave you alone now."

    and that was 2 hours ago now.

    truly, it was because of my sister that i started freaking out so completely.  i know you probably think i'm nuts now.  well, guess what.  i probably am.  and you not talking to me doesn't bring out the best in me. 

    did you hang up on me?  does that question even matter anymore?

    i really wish that you would call me.  it would make things just so much easier.  it's the not knowing what you're thinking that kills me.  kills. 

    i was balling.  i had to hold composure for my dad's today, but in the car it just came, and kept coming.  and i really trusted you, so i thought that if i was having a breakdown about us i could go to you.

    apparently not.

    maybe you're right though.  maybe i should grow a backbone and be mad.  the problem is that when i'm mad i want to talk to you about it.  as opposed to shutting you out completely.

    so ya, i erased your number, it's still in my text messages so i still have it, it's just not readily accessable.  this was in the hopes it would help stop my patheticness.

    cause that's what i was today.

    pathetic.

    heavy sigh.

    space.  space.  space.  you just need your space.  i'll give it to you.

    and i'm not going to have any expectations about you coming back.

    because "expectation is the root of all heartache."  and that's the truth.

    until next time.




Saturday, 20 June 2009

  • slowly.

    but surely i'm becoming better.

    quit smoking.

    gained 20lbs, but quit smoking.

    started running.  hopefully this cures the 20lbs and 5 years of smoking.

    have a man. i like him a lot. 

    yesterday he told me i don't have a backbone.  that's going to be next on the list.

    i hope he stays, but already i'm beginning to feel him fade.  i don't know what it is about me that makes them fade so quickly and completely, but they do.

    i really hope he doesn't though.  really really.

    got a job talking to perverts all day.  oh well, i suppose i'm a pervert too.

    until next time.

Thursday, 07 May 2009

lovelettersanom

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    • Name: lovelettersanom
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    • Member Since: 1/9/2008

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  • i'm a completely neurotic and lovely human being.

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